Over and Over
One thing I absolutely hate doing is having to say something over and over again, day after day.
It is one thing at school - I have to get them used to how I do things in the first couple of weeks, then I usually start stepping back and expect them just to remember what it is they are supposed to be doing with a few reminders here and there. They are pretty good at it.
But then, they are in high school, and shouldn’t need to be reminded to put their stuff away every…single…day…
Every time Sunshine comes to see us, we have to reteach her everything we had just retaught her the trip before. I know, she is 8 and not 15, but what I expect from her is quite a bit easier than what I expect out of my students.
Like, saying please and thank you. Apparently this doesn’t happen at her mother’s house.
Or getting dressed in the morning without being told to.
Or clearing her dishes from the table.
Or putting her dirty laundry in her basket.
Things like this make me wonder what her mother’s house looks like on a daily basis. I have been there before - it didn’t seem so bad. There was laundry absolutely everywhere, and her little brother’s toys were all over, but Sunshine’s stuff didn’t seem to engulf the house, and there wasn’t dirty dishes everywhere, and they all seemed to have changed out of their pajamas.
The beginning of every trip here is spent reinforcing the habits we had taught her the previous trip. It gets quite old.
This time I brought her over to my computer, picked out a cool font and made two lists.
The “When I wake up I…” list, and the “Before I go to bed I…” list. She helped fill in the lists. Mostly consisted of, get dressed, make bed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, clean one spot in my room, etc.
Then I made my morning list so she could see that while her list may look long to her, it really wasn’t. And we talked about responsibility and how as she got older, her lists would get longer.
And it has worked marvelously.
The first thing she does every morning is check out her list and get that stuff done. I haven’t had to say one single thing to her about any of it!
She gets herself dressed without me saying anything! Before noon!
And puts her laundry away!
And makes her bed!
And gets her breakfast! And then…loads her dishes in the dishwasher!
And every night it is the same thing…she gets ready all on her own, with no reminders.
Small victories.
Tags: clean house, stepdaughter, stepmom, sunshine, visitation
July 9th, 2008 at 11:11 am
That really is a great idea!
July 9th, 2008 at 11:47 am
This is what I did over three years ago and I still ended up reminding my ss to check his list every day twice a day. It would have probably helped if my husband didn’t have to be reminded either and was more supportive, but why, why would he when I would handle it for him. Annoying. Glad to hear it is successful. Much luck to you!
July 9th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Hi there- Nice site- I just stumbled upon it. How often do you have your SD? Good on you for making it VERY clear what you want from her. I think that makes it easier for everyone.
Can’t wait to keep reading
July 9th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
We have had the same struggle, and it leaves me wondering, do they ever say please or thank you except when they are with us? What a great idea to deal with it positively, and to avoid driving both of you crazy!
July 11th, 2008 at 11:48 am
You’re a good stepmom! It’s so much easier to do something proactive to help kids remember what to do than it is to drive you and them crazy with constant reminders to do this and do that. Plus, she gets to feel the joy of her own successes!