Clever Escape

I know quite a few of you out there have already written about title “mom”. I also know that I avoided the conversation, and chose not to post about it. I did that on purpose. For one, my what I think had already been said by other people. And two, everyone has a right to their own opinion and I will not tell someone they are right or wrong when I don’t know everything about the different situations.

Each family, as I am sure that most of us are more than aware, is unique and must make their own decisions about things like this. Each situation is different, each child is different, each parent is different. No one answer is correct, and no one is wrong either.

I chose not to write about it then because I didn’t see the point. I rarely post opinions about anything (lol surprising, actually, if you know me in “real life”) and don’t cause too much controversy (well, except that thing in January).

I write about this now because it came up while Sunshine was here, and for no other reason. I write about this now because it came up in my daily living, and that is generally what I write about. I don’t really care what your opinion is regarding stepchildren calling stepparents mom or dad. This is how we are handling it, and you disagreeing will not change any of it.

When Izzy declared Sunshine her “best friend”, and after Sunshine had expressed sadness over not having any friends here, I was damned determined to make sure she keep this one. I try to resist, but I usually do whatever it is that I think will make Sunshine happy, including spending ridiculous amounts of money and going out of my way to make things happen for her. The way I see it, it is just money. Her happiness is worth it.

I told Sunshine that she should invite Izzy to meet us at a local children’s indoor play place. This place is absolutely amazing. It is designed around a tropical island theme. It is just over two stories tall, with a giant tree filling the center of it with slides and nets and bridges and the foam floor stuff and tunnels and a movie room…basically you pay to get in and let them go. For hours. And hours. It is heaven, and Sunshine always has a blast.

Izzy said she couldn’t go that day, but she could on Saturday. She was going to spend all the money she had earned that summer on going, and was ridiculously excited, jumping up and down and screaming and smiling. Sunshine was excited, but got a little nervous at how excited Izzy was!

Sunshine looked at her a little weird and told her that she “had to go ask her mom if Saturday was ok”.

She had to go ask her mom.

As in, ME.

I know, I know, it was probably just because it gets confusing with friends and calling me by my first name cause then she has to explain it and it gets annoying. But still. She said it. And not only that, when she did get over to me, she asked me “Mom, can we go to [the play place] on Saturday instead?” Izzy wasn’t around for that one. There was no one to confuse and explain to.

And of course, I said yes. We had to rearrange a bunch of stuff, cause we were moving on Saturday, but we made it work.

I figured the “Mom” thing was a slip, and forgot about it. Then, throughout the rest of the week, she kept “slipping” some more. Then all day at the play place, she said it. Occasionally she would peer at me out of the corner of her eye as she said it, to check my reaction, and I concentrated really hard on remaining passive, then she would continue on like nothing was abnormal at all. Soon she wasn’t checking my reaction anymore.

Our policy, explained to her when I met her at age four, and reiterated yearly after that, is that it is up to Sunshine what she wants to call me (provided it is appropriate). She can call me my first name, or I will answer to Mom if that is what she is comfortable with. It is one hundred percent up to her. She had decided that she would just call me by my first name, because she thought it would be too confusing if she called me Mom too. She calls her stepdad by his first name.

She makes the choice. I would never, ever, demand that she only call me one or the other.

We have talked about how special it is to call someone Mom, because Moms are really special people, and that while I would feel really special if she did choose to call me that, it would not at all hurt my feelings for her not to. Usually it is my first name. Sometimes, it is Mom. I answer to either and respond the same to either. It’s just my insides that go all mushy when she does choose to call me Mom. Hopefully it doesn’t show on the outside too much…

After the play place (where I made doubly sure to get Izzy’s phone number and plan to meet up with her on Sunshine’s next trip) she reverted back to my first name. Then the next day it was Mom! or Mommy! at the pool when we were playing around. We meet some kids there and they asked if I was her mom, and she said yes. No additions or corrections that I was her stepmom. I was too far away to correct it myself, or I may have.

In the end, though, it ends up making me even more sad when she leaves. She feels comfortable enough to refer to me as Mom, then leaves again. This time for two months before she has a break and can come back down again. We are tempted to start flying her down for regular weekends too, but with plane tickets going up, up, up, we probably won’t be able to afford it.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 4th, 2008 at 11:52 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.