Clever Escape

Sunshine’s grandfather (mother’s father) just picked her up from my in-laws house yesterday to go back to his sister’s house for the week. He and his sister are going on 80. I’m sure she’ll have a fabulous time…

Right.

She hated it last time and I’m betting on her hating it this time. Oh well. At least she got a break from the monotony spending last week with my husband’s parents. They give her food she is willing to eat and find things for her to do!

I have written before how I do not get along with my MIL, and most of it has to do with how she interacts with Sunshine. It is not that she is horrible or mean - quite the opposite. She spoils her so much it is sickening. She is one of those parents that when you meet them, it totally explains why the child is a spoiled, willful, out of control little brat that talks back and demands and expects everything to go their way because that is how it has always been.

My and my husband’s parenting style is dramatically different from hers. We believe in personal responsibility, earning your keep (as in school and keeping her room clean), demonstrating respect, etc.

My MIL has actually told us that she hopes we never have children, because we would not be good parents.

Yep. Seriously.

And I thought I already WAS a parent? Apparently not.

When I got pregnant she flipped and said that we were going to be wonderful parents blah blah blah, but you can’t take statements like that other one back. That one will be with me forever.

Whenever we visit my in-laws and Sunshine is with us, it is always stressful. At least for me. I know Sunshine feels it and gets confused over who she is supposed to obey first. Since she is raised primarly by her grandfather when she is with her mother, I can understand why she gets confused. She, my husband and I all sat down and explained the “hierarchy of power” to her and that seemed to help, but there are still those moments when she is looking back and forth between my MIL and I trying to figure out whether whatever she is doing is ok by both of us.

When Sunshine stays alone with my in-laws is the worst. She returns rolling her eyes, talking back, not picking up after herself…etc. Kind of like when she comes here from her mother’s house. Only with ridiculous attitude. And my MIL knows how we do things. She knows what we allow and what we don’t. She knows because my husband tells her. She knows because when I am there, that is what we do. And when we are not there, she deliberately ignores anything and everything and does what she damn well wants to.

And sometimes she does it even when we are there.

This year we requested one thing from her.

One. Goddamn. Thing.

Before Sunshine even arrived at her house, my husband requested that she not buy Sunshine shoes. He explained that we always bought her shoes because her mother always sent her to our house with shoes that were too small so that we would have to.

This year we are putting our foot down. We were not buying her shoes, and her mother is going to have to step up and actually spend some of the child support money on Sunshine.

He told my MIL this.

She understood and acknowledged him.

And she ignored his request.

She bought her shoes.

I know, I know, not really a big thing on the surface, right? But when it is added in with all of the other things she has done it is not so small anymore. It is a continuing problem. It is disrespectful to us, as Sunshine’s parents.

She disrespects me to my face constantly. She disrespects my husband behind his back. And she is teaching Sunshine to do the same.

I have actually heard her say “Don’t tell [clevergirl] but when you come here we are going to…” and “I know your father said that you couldn’t but…”

Yeah.

I have not talked to her since that incident in May. I have no desire to communicate with her at all.I don’t want to be around someone that makes me feel like she does.

Besides, she is not really interested in what I think. She is not going to change. And because she is not willing to admit that she is the problem, nothing will ever get better.

So here I am, with her openly admitting to my husband over the phone that, “I know you told me not to, but I bought her some shoes…”

What do I do with that?

I really feel like writing her and telling her exactly what I think. But that will not make it better. I am just so very angry, and annoyed, and…hurt in a way. That she doesn’t respect our ability to make decisions like that. That she doesn’t respect me as Sunshine’s parent.

I think that maybe a fantasy reply is in order here, but if I write it, I will probably be way too tempted to send it. That whole say whatever I think thing really gets in the way sometimes.

And I have been holding SO MUCH back when it comes to her for the last few years that it actually hurts physically to think about it and I’m worried about all that coming out at once, cause it would not be good.

This entry was posted on Sunday, August 10th, 2008 at 5:03 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.