Clever Escape

Now, I know that this is going to shock most of you. Totally floored me.

You may want to sit down for this one.

That is, if you are standing up at your computer. Which would be abnormal. But just in case, make sure you are seated.

Sunshine tried to call her mother today, and…drumroll…”this phone is temporarily out of service“.

I warned you. It’s a shocker, that one. Especially considering that her mother has called her ONCE in the FIVE WEEKS she has been here.

ONCE.

IN FIVE WEEKS.

And that was two days after she arrived here. Nothing since then. Her grandfather called once about a week ago. But that is it.

My mother? Has called at least six times. Nick’s parents? Comment on her site almost daily. But her mother? Nothing. No communication at all. So we told her she should call her mother. And, somewhat reluctantly, she did. And it was out of service. We told her to call her grandfather and find out why her mother’s phone wasn’t working. He gave his phone to her mother, who didn’t answer her question at all, just said that it would be back on by the end of the week.

In other words, as soon as her husband came home to give her some money to pay the bill.

His phone, though, is on and working. Why they don’t have a family plan, I don’t know. Maybe his phone is a work phone or something. Which is assuming that he isn’t working under the table anymore, and is actually filing his taxes and stuff, and I’m sure you can guess the likelihood of that one.

Anyone that has been reading this blog for any real amount of time (as in, pre-deleteeverythingIhaveeverwritten) knows that her phone gets turned off all the time. ALL THE TIME. What if something had happened to Sunshine? What if we couldn’t get a hold of her? What if her father didn’t answer the phone either, or check his messages, as they are all prone to do? What then?

And what if, by some chance, Sunshine was actually interested in calling and talking to her mother, but she hadn’t been able to get a hold of her this entire time?

I mean really. One thing to not call all freaking summer. But to make it impossible to be called? That is a whole other level.

I shouldn’t be surprised by either. And really I’m not. I am not surprised that her phone was turned off. It is a common occurance and a big factor in why we got her her own phone on our plan. And she never calls when Sunshine is with us. Ever. Not even when we had her for six months straight. Nothing. We would have Sunshine call her every couple of weeks, but why go through the effort when it just ruins Sunshine’s day anyway?

And also typically, Sunshine was upset when she got off the phone. She does a good attempt at hiding when she is upset, and I am not looking forward to the day when she can actually pull it off, but she was visibly not happy. When I went to tuck her in, before my husband read her her bedtime story, she said that July sure went fast.

Is that why you were upset after you talked to your mom? Cause she made a big deal about how you were only here for another few days?

Yeah. I like it here.

I’m sorry you feel sad. July did go fast, but you will be back here before you know it!

Yeah. I wish I could stay here. If only it weren’t so hot!

Hey, it’s only really hot during July. And it won’t be July anymore when you come back, so no big deal.

I wish I could put more effort into defending her mother’s actions. I know that she is upset that she hasn’t called her all summer. She is upset that her mother made a big deal over she “only has to be there a little while longer”.

She does not understand why her mother does the things she does, or why her life has to be the way it is, why we all can’t live closer together. But it is NOT MY JOB to defend her mother to her. It is starting to get easier to stop myself from doing it. I used to think that I needed to protect her and her vision of what her mother is supposed to be. But I can’t do that for her anymore. I can’t excuse such noxious behavior anymore. I don’t have it in me. She is just going to have to figure it out for herself.

Sunshine called yesterday while my husband was sleeping so I talked to her for a while. She is sounding really excited about the summer, especially about soccer camp. I suppose I’d better jump on getting her registered! That and swimming, and possibly gymnastics. Should keep her (and me) busy for most of the time she is here.

My husband called her back after he woke up. Her mother hadn’t called him back (surprise) about flights so he asked to talked to her. Apparently she was sitting in front of her mother because she was not a bitch at all which is really weird. My husband got a little confused and actually thought she had been nice, but no, she was just not being a bitch.

He asked her why she hadn’t called him back since he had left her four messages. She said her phone was off.

Right.

I don’t know if you all have noticed, but you can tell the status of the phone by the number of rings. If her phone was off, it wouldn’t ring at all, or just once, and go straight to voicemail. It did not. It rang just fine.

If it was actually turned off by the cell phone company (which happens all the time) then we would get a recorded message saying that the number wasn’t available or something along those lines. My husband used to that and would have just called her father or Sunshine’s phone (though we hate doing that) to talk to her about the flights.

Pathological liars piss me off. Why not just say that you didn’t feel like calling back? Or was in a pissy mood? Or like to annoy him because you have nothing better to do in life? I hate it when people don’t just say how it is!

Does she really think we believe her when she lies about this crap? I mean, seriously. First, it is a stupid thing to lie about. Second, there is obvious proof that she is lying. Or is that the joy in it? Insisting on a lie despite all evidence to the contrary?

It is like this site about how to identify a pathological liar, which I believe I have posted before (but since I deleted all that, I suppose I should post it again). I just found another, shorter definition of both pathological liars and compulsive liars. I’m not sure which Sunshine’s mother is…maybe both.

Pathological Liar
A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one’s way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered.

Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.

I am leaning towards compulsive liar, based on these definitions. She lies for no reason. She lies about whether she got the mail. Whether she went to the store. What time she got up. That her phone was off. All silly things that there really isn’t any point to lying about. She only makes stuff up when confronted about the lie that she told, then she will insist that whatever she said was exactly what happened and never, ever admits otherwise despite inordinate amounts of evidence to the contrary.