Clever Escape

One thing I absolutely hate doing is having to say something over and over again, day after day.

It is one thing at school - I have to get them used to how I do things in the first couple of weeks, then I usually start stepping back and expect them just to remember what it is they are supposed to be doing with a few reminders here and there. They are pretty good at it.

But then, they are in high school, and shouldn’t need to be reminded to put their stuff away every…single…day…

Every time Sunshine comes to see us, we have to reteach her everything we had just retaught her the trip before. I know, she is 8 and not 15, but what I expect from her is quite a bit easier than what I expect out of my students.

Like, saying please and thank you. Apparently this doesn’t happen at her mother’s house.

Or getting dressed in the morning without being told to.

Or clearing her dishes from the table.

Or putting her dirty laundry in her basket.

Things like this make me wonder what her mother’s house looks like on a daily basis. I have been there before - it didn’t seem so bad. There was laundry absolutely everywhere, and her little brother’s toys were all over, but Sunshine’s stuff didn’t seem to engulf the house, and there wasn’t dirty dishes everywhere, and they all seemed to have changed out of their pajamas.

The beginning of every trip here is spent reinforcing the habits we had taught her the previous trip. It gets quite old.

This time I brought her over to my computer, picked out a cool font and made two lists.

The “When I wake up I…” list, and the “Before I go to bed I…” list. She helped fill in the lists. Mostly consisted of, get dressed, make bed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, clean one spot in my room, etc.

Then I made my morning list so she could see that while her list may look long to her, it really wasn’t. And we talked about responsibility and how as she got older, her lists would get longer.

And it has worked marvelously.

The first thing she does every morning is check out her list and get that stuff done. I haven’t had to say one single thing to her about any of it!

She gets herself dressed without me saying anything! Before noon!

And puts her laundry away!

And makes her bed!

And gets her breakfast! And then…loads her dishes in the dishwasher!

And every night it is the same thing…she gets ready all on her own, with no reminders.

Small victories.

Sunshine called yesterday while my husband was sleeping so I talked to her for a while. She is sounding really excited about the summer, especially about soccer camp. I suppose I’d better jump on getting her registered! That and swimming, and possibly gymnastics. Should keep her (and me) busy for most of the time she is here.

My husband called her back after he woke up. Her mother hadn’t called him back (surprise) about flights so he asked to talked to her. Apparently she was sitting in front of her mother because she was not a bitch at all which is really weird. My husband got a little confused and actually thought she had been nice, but no, she was just not being a bitch.

He asked her why she hadn’t called him back since he had left her four messages. She said her phone was off.

Right.

I don’t know if you all have noticed, but you can tell the status of the phone by the number of rings. If her phone was off, it wouldn’t ring at all, or just once, and go straight to voicemail. It did not. It rang just fine.

If it was actually turned off by the cell phone company (which happens all the time) then we would get a recorded message saying that the number wasn’t available or something along those lines. My husband used to that and would have just called her father or Sunshine’s phone (though we hate doing that) to talk to her about the flights.

Pathological liars piss me off. Why not just say that you didn’t feel like calling back? Or was in a pissy mood? Or like to annoy him because you have nothing better to do in life? I hate it when people don’t just say how it is!

Does she really think we believe her when she lies about this crap? I mean, seriously. First, it is a stupid thing to lie about. Second, there is obvious proof that she is lying. Or is that the joy in it? Insisting on a lie despite all evidence to the contrary?

It is like this site about how to identify a pathological liar, which I believe I have posted before (but since I deleted all that, I suppose I should post it again). I just found another, shorter definition of both pathological liars and compulsive liars. I’m not sure which Sunshine’s mother is…maybe both.

Pathological Liar
A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one’s way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered.

Compulsive Liar
A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit. Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions. Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (see, Pathological Liar), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship.

I am leaning towards compulsive liar, based on these definitions. She lies for no reason. She lies about whether she got the mail. Whether she went to the store. What time she got up. That her phone was off. All silly things that there really isn’t any point to lying about. She only makes stuff up when confronted about the lie that she told, then she will insist that whatever she said was exactly what happened and never, ever admits otherwise despite inordinate amounts of evidence to the contrary.